Saturday, March 2, 2013

How To Talk to An Ex (The Awkward Way)

I must have ridiculous standards or something but I've always suspected that when exes talk and they may or may not have feelings for each other, it'd be kind of like the OC or Gossip Girl. Where they longingly look at each other from across the room until one of them have the balls to confess the truth. The truth is spoken and they live happily ever after, rain is coming down and they're making out in the middle of a thunderstorm. Then months later, they're hehe and hahaing at their wedding, talking about the horrible mistake they've made being apart from one another. Life isn't like the movies.

Especially if you still have feelings for each other. Majority of the conversation is you guys one upping each other like 'oh, you went on a date with someone? haha, me too, except it was like three in one night, all three of them were amazing. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM HAHAHA'.You spend majority of the conversation inserting awkward laughs here and there, everything is so light and airy because YOU DON'T CARE. Not at all, not in the least. You don't cry yourself to sleep over them, you don't think that it's a mistake that you guys aren't together. You couldn't care less. It's especially awkward when you both may or may not have feelings for each other because it's awkward laughs, conversation and everything times two. So it's especially weird and awkward.

Can you guess which one couldn't care less? Yea me either.
Don't forget to mention how much either of you don't care every other sentence. Make sure to say it as MUCH as possible. And make it as weird and cringeworthy as possible. Be like 'oh yeah, I saw that girl all up on your Facebook, saying how hot you are, haha, have a nice life together. How often do you bang?'. The key point is to make it so embarrassing for everyone around you. Point out how much you don't care again, just in case, either one of you forgot. Let me remind you all, this is for both parties, so the guy might even say 'oh, yeah, you said all three of your dates were amazing? That's great and you know we both don't care so it makes even better. Just in case you forgot, I don't care haha.'

 I'm not going to lie, nothing is more horrible and awkward plus confusing than talking to an ex. You're going to spend majority of the conversation like "WHY WOULD I SAY THAT? WHO SAYS THAT?". Seriously stuff that doesn't even make sense will be coming out of your mouth like word vomit and you're going to be vomitting out a whole conversation.

Then you realize that both of you are just mad over each other (like in like mad) so why is it so hard to piece it all back together?

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