Thursday, August 22, 2013

LOST

All caps because everyone must know how serious I am.

It's weird losing one self, I know, that sounded dramatic like it belongs in a Harry Potter movie but it's true, it's weird. One minute I'm comfortable in my skin, I love me, me is great, I love being alone by myself and then all of sudden, I am no longer who I thought I was. That's frightening, I used to be able to spend all day and all night together, the hours were limitedless, I was never bored and never had to question what to do next. Now, I can barely do it, I need noise of some sort when I get home from work, I spend hours on the phone with someone until I fall asleep and that's so weird.

I mean, it's sad because nothing really makes me as happy anymore. One day when I was having one of my "DRAMATIC" breakdowns, I decided that I was going to see a dog, seriously, and a dog, I mean a puppy, so I went to go see a puppy, IT MADE MY WEEK. Like how pathetic is that, I'm literally basing the value of my day on a damn puppy licking my wrist. I almost slapped myself and told myself to get it together. It's just maybe I'm having a dramatic breakdown, maybe this is the middle of the movie where everything goes wrong and I spend the last half of the moving making amends? Whatever this is, I'm over it. I'm tired of not enjoying my latest shopping purchase because I'm sad, I'm tired of saying at work late because I'm avoiding being alone. I'm just tired of feeling pathetic, you know. So, I want to get myself together, I want to join some clubs to meet people, I want to put effort into my life. It's always a bad thing when I'm just like who cares about it all and roam around in my robe. I don't even do that, honestly, I put on the same pair of sweatpants and a shirt from work, I roam around my house aimlessly. I just want an AH HA moment where I'm like yep, this is why everything is this way.

I'm just saying, it's sad time when you're enjoying work more than you enjoy home. I need to get my life together, possibly delete my facebook. Yesterday, I almost broke out a box of sangaria wine (always a classy night when box wine appears) and started crying over HIGH SCHOOL CRUSHES did I mention I'VE NEVER DATED THEM? Okay right? So pathetic, I was moaning over the fact that they both got married, one got married in France to some hot French girl and I was like "why can't I marry a hot European, what is WRONG WITH ME?" then I proceeded to bite into a huge ass thing of a hamburger. I also was drinking flat wine at that point. So, pathetic.

So this is rambling, pathetic moment in my life. I swear I'm going to post more. I swear usually when I'm at the most pathetic, I tend to post a lot or when I'm a raving alcoholic and dancing on tables. I swear that won't happen again either. That was ridiculous and plus, it's really hard to enjoy a Sunday when you're practically dying. Just saying.

So, what am I going to do?

How am I going to accomplish this? You know putting me back together like Humpity Dumpty? Did I spell it right? Oh eft it, I don't care.

No comments :

Post a Comment

A penny for your thoughts...