Thursday, June 5, 2014

She Who Avoids Homework

So, I've been actively avoiding my blog, mostly, I had nothing to blog about. Nobody wants to hear about my English boyfriend because that's what my twitter is for and now I'm actively avoiding my homework. I have it open, I'm looking at it, I've even thought about it twice but the idea of reading about Organizational Change makes me want to fight someone. I even forgot what class I'm in and every time my dad asks me if I'm in class, I blankly look at him and then it dawns on me, I do write something I mildly largely don't give a damn about every Thursday and Monday. Whatever. Since I'm avoiding homework, I've decided to be a lazy bum and write Random Thoughts Wednesday. I'll write about my vacation to Vegas and DC later. Yes, I'm on vacation. I'm loving it.
  1. I'm literally about to be 25 in four days and I am the most immature person in the room. I watch Adventure Time like I'm 12, I will beat someone down for a piece of cotton candy. I'm not an adult. 
  2. Slut-shaming and body-shaming should be banned. Women who do both to other women, you should be banned. Your opinion of people's personal life does not or will NEVER matter. Mind your own business. Jesh.
  3. Since I've bought Beats headphones, I've became more obsessed with Youtube than I've ever been before. I've decided Akilah is my spirit animal and everyone should watch her YouTube channel, fall in love with her like I did. That sounded so creepy, but she honestly reminds me of my friend AJ.
  4. Is it petty when every time my British boyfriend and I get into a spat, I go "I'm American"?? Probably.
  5. I want a cockapoo or a frenchie so bad. It's insane.
  6. Yesterday I had a dream about french toast, I could taste it on my tongue. I'm just going to go ahead and call it a nightmare, considering I woke up before I could swallow the french toast plus I literally didn't have the ingredients to make french toast later. 
Random? Whatever. I needed to blog and blog like a normal person. I did it, guys. I've conquered something. Gemini nation...wait, what?

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

24, Single and Kidless

So, I think I'm okay with the aspect of being single. The aspect of marriage is out the window right now, I do still get the 'when are you going to settle down' talks but I'm also 24. I'm sure in less than a month when I'm 25 I'll get the talk more frequently, but the prospect of kids is also off the table. I'm okay with that. I know a lot of women say when I get pregnant and have kids, I'll love my child and I'll love being a mom. I don't doubt I'll love the being that I grew in my belly, but quite frankly the idea of having a child, it actually skeezes me out.

Say what?

Yes, when I think of being pregnant, I honestly think of an alien invasion. Women are going to get mad at me for saying this, but I just don't think having children is going to be for me. I don't want children actually. I don't even like kids. There. I've said it. I joke around with people from my office about this, I'm pretty sure they're convinced that I'll like their child but that's a hit or miss. I've liked very few children in my life and they were pretty bad ass, but let's be real, most kids are annoying. It's not their fault, their parents raised them to be annoying, their parents raised kids to believe that everybody is going to like them because they're a child. Which isn't true. Obviously, people don't think of people like me, but I don't have the emotional capability to have a child. I'm selfish, I really don't want to have to take care of another being that isn't some type of animal. I love animals by the way, just not kids. I do like babies though, I think they're adorable, but to actually have a baby? Are you out of your mind?

I've been trying to get myself used to the idea of having a kid for many years now. If I get pregnant or a friend gets pregnant, I'm at the age where it's normal and not scandalous. I have to refrain myself from asking my fellow pregnant friends 'did you want this to happen intentionally?' because it's a rude question. I know that, but I also know if I got pregnant, I'd probably thrash about the house and throw myself onto couches dramatically. My parents have embraced the fact that I probably should NEVER have a kid, so has my sister, but I feel bad because it puts pressure on her to give my parents' grandchildren. I don't want to push the burden onto her, but I know I'd be a shitty, unhappy parent. Not because of the 'I'm selfish' excuse, but because I plain don't like children. I don't understand them. They're erratic and chaotic, you can't really make plans, the kids make the plans. That little being owns the parents' world. I'm not okay with that.

I honestly wish society would embrace the fact that not all women want to be parents. Just like not all women want to marry. I know the ignorant kind like to say 'you feel this way now, but when it happens to you...' blah, blah, but shouldn't I want to have kids prior to having them? Shouldn't I at least kind of like kids and feel the 'beauty' of pregnancy prior to? I think so. Maybe I'll want kids in the future, maybe not. I'm leaning towards not, but it's not a bad thing. Being a parent is a special and a beautiful thing, it's just not EVERYONE'S thing.

Saturday, May 3, 2014

Crystal Ball, Show Me My Future

After I've decided to just up and quit the Air Force in a few years, I've realized quite sad that I have to come up with a backup plan (no, becoming a trophy wife isn't apart of it). I know, a backup plan, a backup career, I have to start all over again and it's scary. So, I've been researching for a few months and honestly, every job sound boring or something that I will not be good at or like to do. I just kept thinking to myself, I want to be a damn writer/journalist, my dream job is to write about relationships or travel, it's been my dream since I was 12 but I know being a writer does not pay for my lifestyle. How in the hell will I afford Kate Spade purses and Express jeans on a writer's budget?

So, since thinking about my future has depressed me, I've decided to play a little game called 'If I was rich' and find a ridiculous house I'd live in. I was too lazy to look up clothes (don't judge me, planning your fake future is tough).

[Source] bad ass house in California, no idea where it is but I've decided if I was rich, I'd probably be a lot more insufferable than I already am. I literally had this conversation today, I'd probably have my employees do my bidding for me. Nothing bad, just telling people off for me, sometimes it gets exhausting insulting people when they wrong me, so, I figured I'd probably pay someone for that. My best guy friend said he'd probably start drama amongst his "friends" and spread stuff. We were pretty bored on Skype.

The bed is where Theo James and I would live forever and ever. I'm really embarrassed that I'm saying this out loud but I don't care He's a gorgeous man.

My future life would involve me being a travel journalist, writing about Aruba, living the dream. I'd probably shop all the damn time because nothing is more awesome than buying stuff from foreign countries. "Damn, Ash, that dress is on point, where did you buy it from?" Roll eyes, "Sweetie, I bought this from South Africa and it was handmade for me. Sorry." Not sorry. I told you, I'd be hella impossible to deal with. I'd have a maid to clean after me, I've decided in real life I'd probably get a maid mostly because I have ADHD sooo cleaning is not my thing. And I'd just be awesome. My dream life sounds so sweet, honestly, so far, nothing compares. For now.

What's your dream life? What would you do? Do you think you'd be a douchebag like I think I would be?'re welcome! -------------->