24, Single and Kidless

So, I think I'm okay with the aspect of being single. The aspect of marriage is out the window right now, I do still get the 'when are you going to settle down' talks but I'm also 24. I'm sure in less than a month when I'm 25 I'll get the talk more frequently, but the prospect of kids is also off the table. I'm okay with that. I know a lot of women say when I get pregnant and have kids, I'll love my child and I'll love being a mom. I don't doubt I'll love the being that I grew in my belly, but quite frankly the idea of having a child, it actually skeezes me out.

Say what?

Yes, when I think of being pregnant, I honestly think of an alien invasion. Women are going to get mad at me for saying this, but I just don't think having children is going to be for me. I don't want children actually. I don't even like kids. There. I've said it. I joke around with people from my office about this, I'm pretty sure they're convinced that I'll like their child but that's a hit or miss. I've liked very few children in my life and they were pretty bad ass, but let's be real, most kids are annoying. It's not their fault, their parents raised them to be annoying, their parents raised kids to believe that everybody is going to like them because they're a child. Which isn't true. Obviously, people don't think of people like me, but I don't have the emotional capability to have a child. I'm selfish, I really don't want to have to take care of another being that isn't some type of animal. I love animals by the way, just not kids. I do like babies though, I think they're adorable, but to actually have a baby? Are you out of your mind?

I've been trying to get myself used to the idea of having a kid for many years now. If I get pregnant or a friend gets pregnant, I'm at the age where it's normal and not scandalous. I have to refrain myself from asking my fellow pregnant friends 'did you want this to happen intentionally?' because it's a rude question. I know that, but I also know if I got pregnant, I'd probably thrash about the house and throw myself onto couches dramatically. My parents have embraced the fact that I probably should NEVER have a kid, so has my sister, but I feel bad because it puts pressure on her to give my parents' grandchildren. I don't want to push the burden onto her, but I know I'd be a shitty, unhappy parent. Not because of the 'I'm selfish' excuse, but because I plain don't like children. I don't understand them. They're erratic and chaotic, you can't really make plans, the kids make the plans. That little being owns the parents' world. I'm not okay with that.

I honestly wish society would embrace the fact that not all women want to be parents. Just like not all women want to marry. I know the ignorant kind like to say 'you feel this way now, but when it happens to you...' blah, blah, but shouldn't I want to have kids prior to having them? Shouldn't I at least kind of like kids and feel the 'beauty' of pregnancy prior to? I think so. Maybe I'll want kids in the future, maybe not. I'm leaning towards not, but it's not a bad thing. Being a parent is a special and a beautiful thing, it's just not EVERYONE'S thing.