Wednesday, September 14, 2011

WTF Wednesday

My European vacation is still going on and thankfully, Thursday next week I'll be back to my tropical island where booty shorts will see the light of day again. Anyway, let me tell you what this week has taught me.


1. Sometimes being honest is okay. Sometimes, not all the time, now isn't the time to tell your friend that she may or may not be crazy, your sister is driving you beyond bonkers or that you would rather jump off a bridge than to spend another waking second with someone. I said being honest, not brutally and suicidally honest, there's a thin line between honesty and pure lies and good intentions. You pick.


2. There are assholes in every country. I stepped off the plane in Germany, almost jumped over the counter and started bashing the customs dude over the head. The only thing that stopped me from ripping his shirt off his back and shoving it down his throat was "I do not want to go to jail today".


3. Don't you EVER pick up the book "He's Not that Into You", I literally read one fucking insert and I was like recalling every instance that he wasn't that into me. Remember when he wouldn't add you as an ally on some Facebook game? Those scars never fade, I'm telling you that…


4. When telling someone you've just met that every time you get drunk, you befriend a sex worker, you probably should reevaluate your story times and just keep your mouth shut. Everybody will think "self, self, she's a heathen". I'm not a heathen, prostitutes have feelings too, plus they hand out the best free drinks ever (No competition this way I've learned) and have funny stories about desperado men. What's not to like?


5. There's a universal language between men that involves staring blatantly at a woman while smiling. Bitch, I'm flattered that you think I'm sexy and all but please, when I'm trying to enjoy the London Eye, please stop imagining me naked, it's rude. Thanks.


6. I hate weather that I have to bundle my poor breasts up. They are big to get me three things in life 1. free drinks, 2. cuts in lines 3. free food and until I have a child, they will only be used for those purposes. It's defeating the purpose if I have to be bundled up to up to my ear and nobody can enjoy the sights thus giving me those three things. Upsetting, I have no idea.


7. Why do people assume that you're depressed if you don't walk around with a smile on your face all day? I'm pretty damn happy, don't believe me? Ask my awesome friends.


8. Hate when people send me messages on Facebook like "OMG, I can't wait until you get back, i have some scandalous stuff to tell you". If you know me, you know there's two things I can't do, wait and wait to hear a good ass story. If it's so good, tell me now, if it's not and I have to wait 8 days to hear it, I will punch you in the face. Probably not but I'll think about it. Long and hard.


9. I hate being cold. Why was cold invented? To make tropical islands near the beach more bad ass? I have no idea.


10. Awkward Black Girl on Youtube is literally the story of my life. Every day I think to myself "Fuck, how did I manage to get myself into this situation" and think of an awkward way to unfuck the fuckery.


And there you have it.

6 comments :

  1. #9 I looooove fall and winter. Heat and I hate one another! seriously

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  2. I love awkward Black Girl haha I see myself in her too. Your trip sounds interesting. Have fun if you can!

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  3. " Bitch, I'm flattered that you think I'm sexy and all but please, when I'm trying to enjoy the London Eye, please stop imagining me naked, it's rude. Thanks." -- lmaooo. I can't with you.

    Awkward Black is a fav of mine too!

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  4. hahaha at #7 ..you just took the words right outta my mind. Enjoy your european trip girl, i'm jealous :'(

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  5. Hey hun! There's an award for you on my blog!

    http://carrymel.blogspot.com/2011/10/dont-call-it-comeback.html

    ReplyDelete

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